See-Saw

Coffee Sweats. July 2016. Ottawa, ON

Coffee Sweats. July 2016. Ottawa, ON

Holy smokes it’s been a long time since I updated this thing - sorry! A lot has happened since February! I guess I haven’t had the urge to hit the old blahg as much as I should. While I can feel in my heart that I’m finally getting back to where I’d like to be in terms of musical activity after my extended existential detour, I can simultaneously feel that sense of fulfillment getting crapped on every time I remember that I should probably be updating the interwebs more often. Ah well. I guess there’s sort of a silver lining in that my first instinct when something cool happens isn’t to whip out my phone and tell the world. The 90’s child lives on in me — sans mushroom cut — and although this mentality is probably good for the soul, it’s also probably bad for business… Whomp whomp. 

The last few months in a nutshell:

  • Songwriting madness! 
  • Recording Demos
  • Playing at weddings on the weekends
  • Being a dad and doing dad things (dad noises, dad jokes, dad stretches, etc.)
  • Hosting open mic nights
  • Shawarma
  • Applying for grants
  • Self-Doubting
  • Booking shows for a fall tour!
  • Coffee sweats

 

Lots of new music. A lot of garbage, but there are some gems in there. Most of it isn’t ready to share yet, but it feels great and its an exciting feeling to have it all coming together. The biggest part of the new leg of this journey has been trying to figure out a creative process that is functional and that also comes from a place of sincerity. I’ve made the mistake of rushing the finish on songs in the past and the result was always something I didn’t have a lasting emotional attachment to. Not surprisingly, those are the same songs I don’t really like to play anymore. I’m also a person who likes efficiency but who greatly values spontaneity at the same time, so it can be a bit of an uphill battle to find a balance between both. I know I touched on this after I got back from my writing retreat, but it still rings true — you just can’t force inspiration. In theory, it’s easy to tell yourself that you’re going to spend five whole days in a row writing songs and be demo-ready by the end of it, but there’s only so much meaning to be gleaned from within the same four walls. 

 

I used to be the best at taking the scenic route — a perpetual rose-sniffer, one might even say — but somewhere along the way I temporarily lost that quality and got tricked into becoming an adult [luckily, I think it may have just been a phase...]. I have, however, been trying to open up my senses more and let my surroundings take the driver’s seat. It’s tough because there’s a huge part of me that finally sees the real value in taking control of certain aspects of my life, but in order to do so, I’ve had to relinquish control of others to let the creativity flow…as if I’m on a seesaw with myself, and both of "us" are working together to balance an insanely delicate crystal ball at the centre. The ball represents inspiration, creativity, and ultimately art. It’s taken a while to recognize it, but while there is definitely beauty in balance, this balance may not necessarily be a requirement of the art I'm interested in making. Balance limits motion, and isn't art is meant to move us? So, I guess I kind of just want to let loose on this teeter-totter and watch this crystal ball roll off the edge and smash into a gazillion tiny little pieces and glue those pieces back together and call it my first full length record. Or something.